Rock Bottom

I've been there. I've been over weight.  A lot overweight.  I've been the 'fat girl'. I made a few weak attempts to get my weight problem under control, but it didn't work.  I had always been thin in my youth and even into college.  Sports kept me active most of my adolescent life and permitted me to eat anything and everything I wanted. I was stick thin and sometimes asked if I was anorexic.  Hardly, I ate like a horse.

Then my athletic routine changed. I was no longer a college swimmer.  I was a working adult.  I was a wife. I was a mom.  I always continued to work out and exercise, but not at the intensity I had been accustomed to.  Even though the intensity had dropped, my appetite did not.  Or I should say, my eating habits didn't change.  This was problematic.  Very problematic because I didn't take responsibility for my eating.

I couldn't blame it on pregnancy.  I exercised through both of my pregnancies and still ballooned up to 206 lbs. and 204 lbs. respectively while pregnant.  Just 10 weeks after the birth of my son, I began to train for my first marathon. Little did I know, I would not be losing significant amounts of weight training for a marathon.  I gained some muscle and lost some weight and was around 150 lbs.  However, I continued to eat beyond what I was burning off and eventually, five pounds became ten pounds and ten pounds turned into 20 pounds and before I knew it, I had gained 25 pounds.  I weighed 175 lbs. 

I had attempted Weigh Watchers after the birth of my daughter (first child) but failed miserably.  I couldn't stick to the plan.  It was hard. I was working full time, had a new job, was pregnant again within three months but suffered a miscarriage.  I was pregnant again within three months of my miscarriage with my son.  But more importantly, I was not committed to the plan.  I had not hit rock bottom yet.  I continued to struggle with my weight for five more years.

Then I applied for my federal job and it had a physical fitness component. I was within range of the requirements for height and weight, but on the high end.  I was a size 12 and 175 lbs.  I had to go to school for three months far away from my young children and husband.  While at school, there were only four females in our class of 24 students.  I was the biggest female by a lot!  It sucked.  I worked out every day in addition to our regular physical fitness program. I had no excuse.  At school, I was responsible for me, and me only. I only had to take care of myself. No laundry for family, no dishes, no cooking, no bedtime, etc.  I had no excuses. I only lost three pounds in three months.

Upon my return home, all of my responsibilities kicked in immediately, kids, cooking, cleaning, full time job, household chores, etc.  My new career was demanding and required a regular 50 hour work week.  However, I also could use three hours of that to work out and count it towards my work hours.  A dream come true!

However, it took me another year to finally hit bottom. I was beginning to bust out of my size 12 pants.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I struggled every morning to find clothes that fit and was tired of buying bigger and bigger sizes.  I joined Weight Watchers again with my Mom and sister for a support network. It was April Fool's Day 2004.  It wasn't a joke this time.  I was all in. I went to my meeting every Saturday morning at 7 am .  It was right next to Cub Foods. Afterwards, I did my grocery shopping for the week and was ready to go. No excuses.

I followed the points plan to perfection. I didn't cheat.  I exercised daily and did not use my exercise points to eat more food as allowed. I didn't want them. I wanted to be thin again and healthy.  I lost 40 pounds by 4th of July - just three months later.  It wasn't easy.  But as the weight came off each week, I grew more and more excited and more and more determined.  I learned my biggest obstacle was portion control.  My perception of portions was skewed.  I was eating way too much and too much of the wrong foods.  Weight Watchers taught me how to eat REAL food, not pre-packaged food or diet plan food.

I learned a great deal about myself during that time period and the months leading up to it. I was an emotional eater, I was an over eater and I was weak.   I took control back.  That was over eight years ago and I vowed to never ever gain that weight back.  I am proud to say I have not.  I am not 135 lbs. anymore but I am the same size - just with much more muscle mass.  My clothing is my gauge for my weight more so than the scale.

So why have I told you all of this? Because you need to know I have not always been 'thin' and 'in shape'.  I have struggled the same as most women have throughout marriage, pregnancy, career, etc. It is hard.  I will not lie. It's hard to be fat, it's hard to find time to exercise, it's hard to eat correctly, it's hard to put yourself first sometimes.  But the choice is yours. You must decide where the bottom of the barrel begins.  It is different for everyone.

J.K. Rowling

Are you fit to be PHAT?

Are you having fat day or a phat day? Fat days are those days when you feel bloated, heavy, water logged or your body is just 'off'.  Phat days are awesome.  You feel trim, washboard stomach, and you're ready to take on the world.

Phat days are so much better than fat days.  Phat days bring a bounce in your step and your self esteem could reach outer space.  Nothing can stand in your way because you feel good, you feel strong, your pants fit, you tightened your belt one more hole when you got dressed. You put on that form fitting shirt. Even you're hair is cooperating. All that healthy eating is paying off. Your nails are growing, your skin is soft and supple and your wrinkles even seem to diminish a little bit.  But most noticeable of all is your broad wide smile!  This healthy living is awesome!  Your dedication and patience is paying off - finally.

But then a fat day comes along.  You're angry. You roll out of bed and feel like the Goodyear blimp. The toilet seat squeaks as you sit down.  You're thinking, I put on five pounds overnight! Your towel doesn't seem to quite wrap all the way around you after your shower.  Then you see it - the scale staring you down,  taunting you, daring you step on.  You're browsing your closet for your 'looser' fitting dress pants and flowing shirt.  It doesn't make sense, you've been working your butt off, sticking to your meal plan and still you are faced with these fat days.

It's fine.  No need to worry and get discouraged as long as you are being honest about the effort you have put forth.  Have you cheated on your food,  have you skipped out on one too many workouts or skimping on your sleep?  Fat days will happen.  Not a big deal.  It's a mind game. Guess what?!  You are in charge so take a deep breath and remember it's only a day or two.  If it becomes a week or two, then you may want to be concerned.  Chances are you are not being honest with yourself.

Our bodies are complex.  Not every day can be a great body day.  Your body may react differently to food choices, sodium, menstrual cycle, climate, stress, etc.  So cherish the phat days and take the fat days in stride.  

Being Healthy is a lot of Damn Work!

I know why people chose to be unhealthy. And it is a choice.  Don't kid yourself. It's a pain in the ass sometimes and living healthy takes up a lot of time.  Time that you could be spending with family, friends, relaxing, eating, drinking, and a million other things.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that everyone who choses a healthy lifestyle loves it all the of the time.  Sometimes it just plain sucks.  But that is when it counts the most. You need to dig deep and fight that inner demon that wants to drag you over to the dark side -"everyone is doing it" mentality.

It is a lifestyle. It is not a diet, a weight loss program or a competition prep phase.  You are destined to fail if you don't view it as a lifestyle, unless of course you want to have a temporary weight loss or temporary good health.  In order to be fit and healthy, you must work at it everyday. You are human, you will have bad days or slip-ups but if you chose to let that de-rail your progress and give up - it's your choice.  A choice you have made to be unhealthy.

It takes time to prepare healthy food.  It takes time to select healthy, unprocessed food, wash it, cut it, weigh it, cook it and package it up. It doesn't always taste good.  Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes you're too tired to make the food that is good for you because it takes too long when that tub of ice cream is just sitting there calling your name.  It's dairy you tell yourself.  Then there is that pizza too. Hey, it's grains, veggies and protein- right?  It is a slippery slope and it becomes steeper and faster with each step you take in the wrong direction.

It's hard to get up early in the morning for a workout or drag your butt to the gym late at night.  You're bed is so soft.  You'll fit your workout in later. It's no big deal that you popped the button off your jeans.  They are old, worn out, you need a new pair anyways. And it's not your fault you have to buy one size larger because they aren't true to size anymore - it's all a game the designers are playing.  You can still wear that cute dress to the graduation party and it will hide your waistline. But will it hide those wings you got going on?

Don't get mad at me for saying these things.  You think them but just don't say them out loud.  I do.  You are your own worst enemy.  But you are also you own best friend.  No one knows you better than you.  You know your weaknesses and your strengths.  If you can' t be honest with yourself, how do you expect anyone else to be honest with you?

So don't be a hater and think that those of us who CHOOSE to be healthy have a great gene pool or a gift of dedication.  We work hard, train hard, and makes sacrifices to be fit and healthy.  It is a choice we have made for ourselves. We cannot make the choice for you and you cannot make it for someone else. You must want it.  You must realize it will be hard sometimes and just plain old suck.  You must realize it will also be great. You will feel an amazing sense of accomplishment with each milestone you reach no matter how big or small.

So quit making excuses and get off you butt. It's summer.  What better time to begin!  The weather is great, the kids are out of school, the sun is out longer, you have a wide variety of outdoor activities to try and could even sign up for a 5K, marathon or a triathlon. Get going!  Don't fail before you ever even begin.

Suffer the Pain of Discipline or Suffer the Pain of Regret

Vacations are a luxury.  They may not always be the type of vacation we dream about but they are a break from the daily grind.  Even 'staycations' are a break even if only from work. We allow ourselves a little detour from our regular routine and grant ourselves a few, otherwise forbidden, indulgences.  However, we have a tendency to go overboard and self sabotage all the work we have done in some arenas, particularly our health and fitness.

It is important to allow your body time to rest and recover to prevent over-training.  However, most people don't train at a level which requires an extended period of time off.  Many people train like beasts in order to get ready for 'vacation' and obtain that body for their bikini. Yet, once they hit the beach or the pool, all that hard work that paid off is quickly cast aside and the slide down the slippery slope begins.  The drinking, the dining out, the snacks, more drinking, more eating, more lying around.  And all of the sudden, vacation is over and you have packed back on the ten pounds you worked so hard to lose, even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

Health is a state of mind as much as it is the condition of your body.  They go hand in hand.  One can not exist without the other.  Obvious you say, but so many don't listen.  We all want to be fit and healthy.  But not every one's version of fit and healthy is the same nor should it be.  My goals are different from your goals thus requiring a vastly different level of training and nutrition.  However, that doesn't mean you get a free pass to eat junk, drink like a fish and workout for two hours a week hoping to achieve miraculous results.

Being fit and healthy takes discipline on many levels.  You must discipline your mind to go workout even when you don't want to. You must discipline yourself to sometimes eat food for nourishment rather than taste. You must push past the pain even though it's easier to just stop.  You must remember the short term reward is far less satisfying than the long term goal.  You must be realistic in your state of mind - how badly do you want it and how hard are you willing to fight for it?  You will have to accept that some sacrifices will have to be made and are you strong enough to step up to the challenge?

This is nothing new.  You have heard it many times.  Yet, again and again, we falter.  Failure is essential to success.  But hopefully with each failure you have learned from your mistakes, otherwise you will continue to fail again and again.  Pick yourself up and try again.  Be more disciplined, be more dedicated or accept where you're at. The choice is yours. Many will help if asked but ultimately, you are responsible for your actions or lack of action.

So that vacation weight you fought so hard to lose can stay off even while on vacation.  But again, it will take a bit of planning and discipline on your part.  Think ahead, check out gyms near your vacation destination. Bring along stretch cords, TRX, a Yoga DVD, jump rope, or scope out a playground with a bench, monkey bars for weighted exercises. Make a realistic commitment, prior to your vacation, to fit your workouts in.  You will feel better, eat healthier while away, and those jeans will still fit when you get home. You can still have fun, it's just up to you when the fun ends and the 'work' begins.  The damage will have less of an impact if you do a little sabotage control along the way - vacation or not.

Are You Afraid of Muscle?

Are you afraid of muscle? Are you afraid of free weights? Or are you just afraid of looking stupid for awhile?

I have been lifting weights since my teens. Strength training has played a different role in my various sports, but it has always been a component of my sporting life.  I am the first to admit that I didn't always understand the need or the value of strength training in my younger years. Sometimes I did it because I was told do it. It was part of the program.  As I grew older and wiser, I learned the value of strength training and all the benefits it offers and not just for sports but for your overall health.

Weight training builds bone density, burns more calories than fat, builds strong connective tissues and joint stability, improves athletic performance, improves cardiovascular health, may reduce diabetes and heart disease by reducing bad cholesterol and raising good cholesterol.  These benefits are even more beneficial when combined with cardiovascular training.

So why do so few people hit the weight room - especially women? I don't want to get bulky, I don't want to look like a man, I don't know how to lift weights, it's intimidating, it is to hard, I feel dumb, I look stupid, too many men in there. These are excuses in order to justify your insecurity.  Get over it.  Get over yourself and accept the challenge.

No one wants to be 'skinny' fat. What is skinny fat?  Thin but jiggly, you may look good in clothes, but not so good when naked.  Just because you are thin doesn't mean you are healthy.  Women do not have enough testosterone to build huge amounts of mass, like men, without the use of steroids or other illegal substances.  In addition, the amount of calories which must be consumed in order to build and sustain such mass is extreme.  The freakish female bodybuilders that look like men are taking something - period. So you, as an average female, need to shed that fear of 'looking like a man'.  It's not going to happen. Women are not genetically built to build mass like a man.

Weight training can be fun when done properly.  It doesn't just have to be pushing and pulling the iron around. There are a wide variety of workouts that can be done which incorporate compound movements which you are already familiar with.  Not all strength training has to be with weights.  Using your own body creates it's own resistance such as push ups, pull-ups, jump squats, planks, etc.  Strength training develops noticeable changes in your physique including nicely toned arms, hamstrings, quads, shoulders and abs.  Your clothes will fit differently in a good way.

The scale may creep up a few pounds but you will not mind when you see the fat disappear and muscle take it's place.  Muscle and fat weigh the same - 5 lbs. is 5 lbs.  It's how muscle versus fat appear on your body that are different! No more saggy triceps, flabby butts or cottage cheese legs.  It is possible.  It takes time and patience. You need to be dedicated and disciplined.  You didn't gain the fat overnight so it won't go away overnight.

Don't be afraid of lifting heavy weights. Don't be afraid of using free weights.  Don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance.  Step out of your comfort zone.  Get a solid program. Learn proper form. Invest in yourself. If you treat it half-ass, then you will get half-ass results.

Strength training is important.  It provides many benefits and should be as much a part of your training program as cardiovascular training.  The jiggle will not go away by doing hours of elliptical or treadmill training.  You need to build muscle.  You build muscle with weights and other forms of strength training. Be smart about it and if you are a newbie, spend the time and money to learn how to lift with proper form and what exercises will benefit you and your goals.

It's important to learn how to lift properly with correct form to prevent injury. It is important to understand what muscle or muscle groups each exercise is working.  It is important to understand how to work all of your muscle groups to aid in symmetry and balance.  There will be muscle groups you will have a lack of desire to work but it is necessary in order to create a well balanced physique and prevent injuries.

Don't be afraid of muscle. It will make you strong.  It will make you toned.  The more muscle you have, the more you can eat - eventually! Muscle is your friend but you have to develop that friendship and it begins in the weight room.  So crossover to the dark side and see what's lurking over there.  You may just find exactly what you've been looking for.

Sleep Does Your Body Good

The last several months I changed up my workout time.  I was lifting weights primarily in the late evening hours. At times, I arrived at the gym as late as 8:30 pm to begin my workout.  For me, this was not an ideal time to workout after a long day at work and being mom, but it was when I could fit it in.  I have always been an early morning workout person.  It was a great start to my day. I felt refreshed, invigorated and didn't feel the stress of "when am I going to get my workout in" hanging over my head all day long.

I switched up my routine primarily because of my sleeping pattern.  I had become an insomniac over the last few years. I struggled with falling asleep and staying asleep.  I tried several home remedies, natural supplements and finally prescribed medication.  They all worked for a short time period but then eventually stopped performing all together.  Life sucks without sleep. Every aspect of my daily routine suffered.  I was exhausted and crabby.

I finally went to a sleep specialist and learned to retrain my brain to sleep.  I was skeptical at first but had no other option so I followed the program.  It was excruciating at first. I had to force myself to stay awake until I was physically tired before I could go to bed.  If I woke up and was awake for longer than 15 minutes, I had to get out of bed and leave my room.  I had to rise each day at the same time regardless if it was the weekend or not.  No naps.  Needless to say, it was a horrendous three to four weeks. I was dog tired all the time.  I was staying up to 11:00 pm or later and getting up at 5:00 am.  Often, I was waking up several times throughout the night. I didn't think it was ever going to get better.  But it did.

I followed the doctor's program.  I listened to his expertise and his relied on his knowledge to help me sleep again.  It wasn't easy and I hated every minute of it. However, it worked. I began to sleep again without the aid of sleeping medication. I still use some natural remedies as a 'back-up' when my brain goes into overdrive before bed.  It is difficult to shut off my 'To Do' list that seems to begin developing as I lay down to sleep.  So whether these natural remedies are helping or not, my emotional brain thinks they are doing exactly that.

Sleep is vital to your health. You know already know this but it affects much more than you may understand.

1. Sleep repairs your body.  Your body produces extra protein molecules while you sleep which help your body repair itself at the cellular level.

2.  Sleep keeps your heart healthy by reducing levels of stress and inflammation in your body.

3.  Sleep reduces stress by lowering your blood pressure and elevated levels of stress hormones. It reduces the wear and tear on your body which propels the aging process.

4. Sleep improves your memory. Lack of sleep causes a groggy feeling and an inability to concentrate.

5. Sleep helps control your body weight. It regulates your hormones that affect and control your appetite.

An adult should ideally get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.  We know this but often deprive ourselves of this luxury for a wide variety of reasons including work, kids, television, social engagements, etc.  You should also have a consistent sleep schedule in order for your body to properly understand when it is time for sleep.  Distractions such as televisions, computers, iPads, and 'screens' in general should be removed from your bedroom so the focus is sleep, not entertainment.

Give yourself the gift of sleep and see what aspects of your life improve with the proper rest.  You may be surprised how one additional hour of sleep may improve your productivity, memory, eating habits, weight loss or training performance.

Safety Net

It has been a crazy week already and it's only Tuesday!  My weekend was jam packed with kids sporting activities, errands, workouts, food prep and chores.  The weeks ahead seem to only get busier and busier!  Summer has begun in my household and it will be non-stop until middle of July.  

I've been through this may times in previous years and know what to expect but it still freaks me out and I panic a little bit. I wonder how I am going to fit it all in.  Many things I enjoy will take a backseat as my kids' needs/activities will be a priority.  However, I still will make time for my workouts and my boyfriend.  It is a challenge and he is more than understanding about my busy life. He often ends up with the short end of the stick. Not a great spot to be in but he puts up with me, so to speak.

I've mentioned that your support system is an essential piece of making your fitness goals a reality, whatever they may be.  Without this support, taking time for exercise/training becomes an additional stresser for you rather than your exercise being a 'stress reliever'.  He understands, as my significant other, my coach, my trainer and my nutritionist how much my sport means to me. It helps that he is also an avid fitness enthusiast and weight lifter himself. He does not compete but understands the commitment and dedication required to stay on top of my game.  

He often gets to spend time with the 'tired and worn' out Rachel.  Again, not ideal but a sacrifice he has made to help me achieve my goals.  I have a rare gift in his complete support of me.  He is a gift that keeps on giving whether it is my training programs, words of inspiration, nutritional/supplement information, research he does to make my life easier, he takes care of the dogs to ease the burden on me and on and on and on. He plays an integral part of my support network in my fitness life. We are able to separate boyfriend and coach  in our relationship. It works.  But it works because of his tolerance and compromise. 

I have also had to 'train' my kids over the years.  They are supportive of my training and 'odd' food choices and they go with the flow.  This has not always been the case.  It took them a while to realize I still love and care about them even if I am not at every game or activity.   Once in awhile I have to get my own training in when life is just to busy to do it all.  I am not a super hero.  I am more than just a mom.  I am a person who has needs and wants just like them. As a result, my daughter has recently begun lifting weights to build her own strength to aid her in reaching her goals in high school sports.  

My co-workers and friends are also supportive of my sometimes 'freakish' eating, training and competitions.  They have even come to watch competitions and cheer me on.  They don't mock my food choices any longer (well maybe the boiled chicken during last week of prep) and help me when I have my chocolate addiction attacks while in competition prep.   But they understand how hard I train and how much it means to me. They do what they can to support me in achieving my goals. 

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by caring and loving people who accept me for who I am.  They accept that I have chosen to participate in an unique sport which requires an unusual amount of dedication and discipline that touch every aspect of my life, both at work and at home.  They support me.  This makes my life better. This makes my life a bit easier.  This makes me smile to know I have so many people in my corner that care enough to support me in my dreams!

Find your network, reach out and connect with them.  Find your path to your goals and make sure you have your safety net to catch you when you falter so you can get back up and try again.  No network, no net.  Without a path, you are easily detoured. Everyone needs support even if it's only once in awhile.